What did he say?

At Trinity Methodist, my smallish to medium sized church over in Leon Valley, we decided to raise money for a wireless head set. Our sanctuary was partly in the round so the pastor, if he ditched the pulpit, had to look several directions and swing the microphone cord like a nightclub act. It frequently tangled with his cumbersome robe. The excited lay leaders raised the funds, installed it and everyone was there on the morning of its unveiling. The pastor beamed at the congregation, opened his mouth, and blared at top volume "You mother fuckers get out of my sight! You stupid assholes are always showing up on Sunday! Just go home!" He stood there motionless, mouth agape, his face frozen in a terrified expression. Children covered their mouths, adults sucked air, and the elderly tapped their hearing aids loudly asking, "What did he say?” The blue spew continued while lay leaders leapt to their feet and clamored to shut the system off. The men had chosen the wrong channel and a trucker on Interstate 10 was abusing the airwaves on his citizen band. Apparently, he was not a fan of Sunday drivers. I am positive I will never again witness such perfect timing. Old Nick wins one for the visiting team.

I think part of a best friend’s job should be to immediately clear your computer history if you die. - unknown